


quod merentur

by Vennat



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: 3k, Despression, Ed is sad, FMA Secret Santa 2018, Funny, Gen, Parental Riza Hawkeye, Parental Roy Mustang, Sad, Underage Drinking, because i cant write romance lmao sorry, ed deserves better, god i hope my secret santa likes this, happiness, i hope this is good!!!!, implies royai not explicit, its royai, mentions of feelings of unworthiness, no beta we die like men, sometimes, we stan 1 couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 19:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17331344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vennat/pseuds/Vennat
Summary: Ed plans to spend Christmas alone, researching.Mustang plans to deny caring about Ed.





	quod merentur

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Academicsbelonginbnha](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Academicsbelonginbnha).



> who the fuck can write a summary??
> 
> title is "what we deserve" in latin
> 
> Set in that ambiguous time period where ed isn’t 12 but not everything is garbage. Idk how it works in canon but i figured ed like 15, because eff canon tbh. I hope you like it!
> 
> Written for @academics-belong-in-bnha over on tumblr for the fma secret santa 2018 exchange!! god i hope you like it. sorry theres no ling, i couldnt figure out how to fit him in here without this turning into crack :/

Ed was hunched over his tray in the mess hall, practically inhaling his lunch, when Havoc and Fuery swooped in. Ed glared up at them, unwilling to be disturbed. When the two just smiled back at him, he finally cracked.

 

“What.” 

 

“You’re gonna be here for Christmas Eve, right boss?” 

 

Ed glared suspiciously at Havoc, before answering cautiously, weary of whatever plot the two of them- or Mustang- might be cooking up. 

 

“...Yes?”

 

The two of them nodded in an almost-terrifying show of synchronicity. Havoc then elbowed Fuery in the side, and the younger man scrambled to pull a piece of paper out of the pocket of his uniform. He presented it to Ed with an overdramatic flourish, and Ed snatched it from his hand before tucking it into the book lying beside his tray. The two looked at him expectantly, and he raised an eyebrow at them.

 

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Havoc eventually asked. Ed looked at him for a long moment, his stare unimpressed.

 

“No.” he shoveled a bite of food into his mouth, apparently done with the conversation. The two soldiers looked on in confusion for a long moment, before deciding that it wasn’t worth it. The two walked away, heads huddled together as they whispered furiously. Ed spared them a last glance before deciding to ignore whatever was going on with them, and to finish up his food so he could get back to researching.

 

_______________

  
  


It was a few days before Ed remembered the note again. And really, he would have forgotten about it entirely if it hadn’t fallen out of his book when he picked it up. He unfolded the piece of paper, preparing himself for some prank or another. Havoc had tried an innumerable amount of times to prank him and it had yet to work, mostly because Al would tell him that “No, Ed, why would there be a free buffet in the middle of Central Command?” 

 

But, upon opening the piece of paper, he was surprised to see the neat, no-nonsense handwriting of Hawkeye. He looked the paper in surprise for a moment before actually reading what it said. 

 

_ Ed-  _

_ I heard from Mustang that you hadn’t requested off for Christmas, so I figured you would be staying in Central for the holidays. We usually have a small get together in Mustang’s office on Christmas Eve, and you’re welcome to come if you’d like. We’re meeting at 7:00 pm. We’d love to see you. _

 

_ -Lieutenant Hawkeye _

 

Ed regarded the paper for a moment, before setting it aside. He couldn’t let it distract him- he had to research, find a way to get Al’s body back. He felt a pang go through his stomach at the thought of his brother, who had always loved the holiday season- for the foods, the weather, all of it. But now, he could experience none of it and it was all Ed’s fault. 

 

He didn’t deserve to go to a party and celebrate when he could be researching a way to help Al. It wasn’t fair to him, after all he’d already done to his brother.

 

As he picked up his book once more, his automail shoulder gave a twinge, and he grimaced, rubbing at it for a moment, before pushing it from his mind, forcing himself to focus on the research in front of him. He had no time- or right- to worry about himself, with all that he had to do.

 

_______________

 

It was Christmas Eve, and Ed was settled into his nest of books researching, when he heard a knock on his door. He was immediately wary, because he wasn’t expecting anyone. He stood slowly, and as he approached the door, he clapped and ran his flesh hand along his automail arm, transforming the metal plating into a blade. He suddenly regretted the lack of peephole on his door, and made a mental note to make sure his next place had a peephole on the door, no matter how temporary his and Al’s residence would be. 

 

Cautiously, Ed put a hand on the door handle, listening closely to the hallway outside. He could hear whispering, but was unable to make out any words. He could hear the low timbre of voices outside just enough to distinguish that the people outside his door were males- at least the speaking ones. He put himself into a fighting stance, readying himself to be attacked as soon as the door opened, when his attackers probably thought he’d be the most vulnerable. 

 

Slowly, quietly, he unlocked the door, which he had had enough forethought to oil well enough that it was almost silent. He took a steadying breath, steeling himself, before he swung the door open and jumped back. He landed in a low crouch, flesh arm protecting his face, automail arm out in front of him, the blade gleaming in from the dull light of the hallway. He took a moment to assess his opponents-

 

And suddenly felt very, very stupid. He stood up quickly, lowering his arms down to his side.

 

“Oh,” he said, looking at Fuery and Havoc. “Hey.” The two soldiers looked at him, eyebrows raised. 

 

“Hey, boss.” Havoc said cautiously. “You… you good? Expecting someone… else?”

 

“Not really expecting anyone, is all. I’ve sort of learned to expect the worst when someone knocks on my door at…” Ed pauses, glancing back inside to the clock. “6:35 at night on a Sunday.” Havoc and Fuery both nodding in understanding.

 

“Well-” started Havoc.

 

“We need a favor.” interrupted Fuery. Ed looked at him questioningly.

 

“Ok... what do you need me to do?” the two soldiers looked at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation between the two of them. Ed took the chance to transmute his arm back to normal. Finally, the two turned back to Ed, smiling in a way he very much did not like.

 

“We need you to come with us.” they said in terrifying unison.

 

Then they rushed him.

 

_______________

  
  


The door of the office slammed open, and Roy winced as it slammed against the wall behind it. The expression was quickly replaced by a smirk as he watched Fuery and Havoc dump  a squirming Fullmetal onto the floor of his office, Riza stepping neatly over him, tucking her keys into her pocket.

 

She walked over to Roy, patting him on the shoulder as she passed, headed towards the huddle of pushed-together desks covered in snacks. He smiled at her, more softly than he would normally allow himself to, before turning back to the pouting lump of teenager on the floor. He spared Fuery and Havoc a nod, barely suppressing an amused- and entirely undignified- snort.

 

“Good job, men.” He managed solemnly. He saluted to them ironically, and they quickly snapped a salute back. He could see the smiles twitching at the corners of their mouths, sp he decided to spare them, and instead antagonize his least favorite teenager. (Not that he knew many of those, but the point still stands.)

 

“So, Fullmetal, come to join the party?” the boy growled at him, standing and dusting himself off angrily. 

 

“Not  _ willingly. _ ” 

 

“Well, you got an invite didn’t you? I think it was rather gracious of us to provide you with a ride.” Ed growled again.

 

“I didn’t need a ride, because I wasn’t  _ coming,  _ you bastard. I have better things to do with my time than hang out with a bunch of old idiots.” he paused for a moment, considering. “And Hawkeye.” he said, separating her from the rest of the “idiots” because he didn’t have a deathwish. Hawkeye, still over at the snacks, nodded in agreement.

 

“Why Fullmetal, who do you have to hang out with that’s better than us? Have a secret  _ girlfriend  _ you’re not telling us about? Your mechanic in town?” 

 

Ed turned a brilliant shade of red, and growled at Roy again stomping over to the corner and leaning against the wall, fuming. Roy smirked to himself, enjoying the frustrated look on Ed’s face. After a moment, Riza came over to his side, leaning minutely into him. She was looking at Ed too, but the expression on her face was troubled. Roy waited for her to speak, knowing that she would tell him what she was thinking when she was ready. After a few moments of waiting, she spoke quietly.

 

“Something is up with Edward. Usually both he and Alphonse go back to Resembool together or not at all. They haven’t been back in quite a while, it’s odd that Edward stayed and Alphonse went without him. I… have an odd feeling about this.”

 

Roy nodded in agreement, watching the blonde teen across the room. He was sure that she had noticed the pinched look to his face, the same as he had. The bags under Ed’s eyes were dark and heavy, and he looked like it had been a while since he had had a proper meal.

 

They both watched at Fuery and Havoc once again accosted the boy, Falman and Breda trailing after the two of them, drinks in hand. As they all talked, he saw the teen relax. His bad mood seeming to slip from his shoulders. But it became apparent that, no longer consumed by rage, Ed wasn't as lively as he usually was. He seemed worn, and Roy felt a spike of concern erupt in his stomach. 

 

He watched on as Havoc pressed a drink into Ed's hand, and grinned to himself. Everyone in the office knew to avoid letting Havoc give you a drink- he was a notorious drink spiker. Roy figured it couldn't hurt for the boy to have one drink. Maybe it would loosen him up enough to enjoy himself, at least for one evening. 

  
  


_______________ 

  
  


Roy can’t decide if it was a good or bad thing to let Ed drink. When Riza had noticed that Havoc had slipped Ed something quite a bit stronger than punch, she had smacked all of them round the head. She had cut Ed off immediately, and declared that anyone who slipped him another drink would answer to her. Ed tried to protest, bu, it seemed he was a lightweight. When Roy thought about it, it made sense, seeing as he wasn’t all that big in the first place,  _ and  _ he was missing two different limbs. 

 

They didn’t notice at first, because he just seemed to be coming out of his slump a little bit, chatting with everyone more. But when he began to giggle, they knew that he was well on his way to drunk. 

 

And oh  _ boy  _ was Roy glad Havoc had slipped him that drink. When they had eventually settled into a little circle to play a round of cards, it became very apparent that Ed was a  _ very  _ talkative drunk. As they played, he began to regale them with stories about him and Al from when they were younger. The topics ranged from Ed arguing with his school teachers (and subsequently being sent home for the day), fights he got into as a kid (Roy was going to tease him about getting his front teeth knocked out for the rest of his  _ life) _ , to his and Al’s alchemical mishaps when they were kids. 

 

Really, Roy almost felt bad for just how much they were gonna tease him when he was sober. At least, he would feel bad if Ed wasn’t somehow managing to wipe the floor with all of them in 31 in spite of his drunken state.

 

Really, how was that even possible? He was half asleep, almost falling over where he sat, and yet the pile of his winnings (pens, which they had in abundance) was growing steadily larger. 

 

Eventually, Roy decided to end everyone’s humiliation. He stood, before coming to stand behind Ed.

 

“Alright, Fullmetal, I think It’s time for you to head home, before we don’t have any more pens.” Roy put his arms underneath Ed’s armpits, getting ready to heave him upwards despite the boys slurred protests. 

 

Eventually, Falman stood too, and between the two of them they managed to get the boy up. With his help they managed to maneuver the kid’s plain black jacket back onto him. Roy swung his arm over Ed’s shoulder, his hand coming to grip his flesh shoulder to make sure he didn’t topple over. As the group said their goodbyes to the boy, which he returned with a very sloppy bow that almost sent them both tumbling, Riza stepped around the plates and people all over the floor, picking her way carefully towards them. Once close enough, she pressed her keys into his hands, gripping him for a moment longer than necessary. She gave him a soft smile, one she usually wouldn’t allow in public. 

 

“Get him home safe, Roy.”

 

_______________

 

It took more effort than Roy really thought it should to get Ed settled into the car. God, was that boy  _ heavy.  _ Logically, Roy understood that he was well muscled and had  _ two goddamn metal limbs,  _ but still,  _ holy shit.  _ The little brat better be thankful for all that he was doing for him. Because honestly, he didn’t have to. Unless he wanted Riza to kick his ass. (Or if he admitted that he cared for the little runt. But  _ that _ wasn’t gonna happen.) 

 

He started the car and set off in the direction of Ed’s apartment. Sure, the pipsqueak may never have actually given him the address… but what else were subordinates skilled in surveillance and intelligence good for? Even so, he was fairly curious as to what the boy’s apartment looked like. It was probably filled with stacks of books, loose sheets of paper, and probably kind of dirty. It was, after all, the home of two teenage boys. 

 

Next to him, from where Roy had previously believed he had passed out, Ed groaned, shifting around restlessly. 

 

“Ugh… my shoulder…” he flopped over, so that he was laying on his back. His flesh hand came up to grip at the base of his automail, kneading into the parts where the metal met flesh. “Hurts like a fucking bitch.” 

 

Roy looked at him in concern, studying the pinched look on his face.

 

“Your shoulder?”  Ed grunted confirmation.

 

“Yeah. Some punk got a good hit in when I was on my last mission with Al.” it was said nonchalantly, despite the slur in his voice. 

 

“Last mission? Wasn’t that…” Roy paused to think for a moment. “Three  _ weeks _ ago?” He asked incredulously. Ed grunted again in affirmation.

 

“Full- Edward. Why didn’t you go to medical? Or call Winry? Something could really be wrong with the connections or wiring.” 

 

Ed giggles in reply. 

 

“I’m not gonna waste time there, Mustang, I have research to do.” he said, in the sort of tone that made it sounds like he thought  _ Mustang  _ was the one being ridiculous here. “Plus, I wasn’t going to make them waste their medical supplies on  _ me.”  _ he says with a snort, as if the very idea is ridiculous.

 

Things start making sense to Mustang, all the pieces starting to click into place. Ed with dark bags under his eyes, and a pinched look to his cheeks. Ed planning to spend Christmas alone, researching. Ed trying to blow off the party to research instead.

 

“Ed…” he starts slowly. “Did you send Al to Resembool alone so you could research instead?”

 

Ed nods, a dopey smile on his face. 

 

“Gotta… gotta research!” Ed paused to giggle, “It’s all my fault, and Granny and Winry and… and Al and Den… they don’t wanna see me, because they hate me because of what I did to Al so…” he pauses to throw his hands up into the air, “resmearch… resnearch… studying on Christmas for me!”

 

Roy’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. He didn’t want to be right, but since when did life ever go his way? 

 

‘“I’m… sure they don’t hate you, Ed. I know for a fact that Al loves you-” he’s interrupted by Ed shushing him.

 

“It’s a secret!”

 

Roy looks at him in confusion. “What is?”

 

“Al  _ secretly  _ hates me. I made him lose his body, and I put him in that suit of armor because of the… trans...mogrification? He doesn’t say it, but  _ hates  _ me. You _ can’t  _ tell anyone, Mustang, you  _ can’t.”  _

 

“Ed- you’re wrong, I know Al loves you, and he wouldn’t want you to stay here alone on christmas researching. He’d rather you be with him.”

 

Roy looks down to see if anything he just said got through to the golden-haired boy-- and finds him asleep, mouth wide open. Roy feels a soft smile creeping onto his face.

He drives carefully the rest of the way to Ed’s apartment, stopping carefully so as not to wake the kid from his sorely-needed sleep.

 

_______________

 

Ed wakes the next morning to a splitting headache, and only a very fuzzy idea of what happened the night before and how he got home. He flops over in bed, groaning, and reaches for the glass of water on his bedside table. He snatches it off, downing the glass quickly. It’s only as he sits up to set the glass back on the table that he sees the note, which must have been tucked under the glass, that fluttered to the ground. He stoops, groaning, to pick it up. He blinks a few times to clear his vision, before reading the handwritten note.

 

_ Call your mechanic. Tell her you’re getting on a train to Resembool today. I’ve already filed you for leave, so no getting out of this, Fullmetal. You deserve a break. Enjoy it.  _

 

_ -Mustang _

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos and comment if you liked this!! please. im desperate lmao
> 
> Find me on tumblr @v-ennat


End file.
